Restless

I'm back from a night in Michigan and I must say, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I miss my family a lot. I miss my house and my pets. It's kind of overwhelming.

I'm not completely against this move- I just wish it was a slower transition. Starting a new job, moving to a new state and attempting to set up an apartment all at the same time is making me feel so anxious.

I have depression and, due to lack of health insurance, it is not currently being treated. My only remedy is trying to talk to Brian and my mom and hoping that they understand and say the right things (it doesn't always happen). I feel sort of like I'm drowning from all of these changes.

On one hand, because I'm moving I have the opportunity to choose between 2 health insurance plans: the one through the company I'll be working for and the one through Brian's company. Unfortunately, it'll be at least a month before I'll have coverage which means a month of dealing with the depression on my own and a month of terrible allergies (living with two cats that my body isn't used to). I know that this move really is for the best and that I really need the money so I can finally start paying my bills, but I wish that a lot of things were different.

I really wish that my mom and Shawn lived closer to Cleveland. Four hours is a long drive after a long day of work so, naturally, I won't get to see them as often as I'd like. I've told both of them that they are more than welcome to visit anytime- we have both an air mattress and a pull-out couch (plus my mom has two camping cots).


It's a lot to handle and I mostly just feel like sleeping. I get this way when my depression grabs hold of me. I feel overwhelmed and alone even though I know that there are people by my side. I think the best way I can describe it is like being chained to a wall in a dark cave. You can't really move and you sometimes feel like people can't hear you. You want to scream and grab onto someone to pull you out but you can't.

Yeah, I think I failed at that description. I'll figure it out. I know I'll only be in this rut for a little while longer but it is eating me alive in the mean time.


I guess that's all for now. Brian turned on Failure to Launch and I can't focus anymore.


Goodnight, kids.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

None of the following topics deserve their own post. I'm basically just doing some minor housekeeping. This post is for the skimmer in all of us.

It's been a challenging day today. I've been battling the overwhelming urge to jump in the car and floor it to Michigan all day. I miss my dog, Riley. I miss the cats, Magrit, Darth, Lola Bug and Chubb-a-lub. I know I have less than 12 hours until we leave but I haven't seen them in a month and it's kind of getting to me.

I got another phone interview and request for an in-person interview today. This time it's with a bank. I would love to go on the interview, but I'm 98% positive that I wouldn't get the job. It would be perfect since they're obviously closed on holidays, it's a 10 minute walk/3 minute drive from the apartment, it's full time and I would be getting benefits. Bright side: Since I have a job in my pocket, I can start paying off all my loans/overdue bills so I can fix my credit so I can land the job of my dreams.

I feel full of The Crazy today. Sitting alone in a basement all day will do that to ya. Unfortunately I'm rarely productive on my days when I'm alone. Instead I sit around and watch ABC Family and shows off the DVR all day. I tried to craft a list of all the stuff I need to bring back to Ohio with me but, well, Uncle Jesse on Full House was way more interesting.

I'm itching to go on vacation to someplace warm and tropical. This cold, snowy weather is grating on that last wintery nerve. GO AWAY WINTER. Nobody likes you.



I think that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed my scatterbrainedness. :)

When it rains...

...it pours.

I've always found that things, both good and bad, tend to come in groups. From deaths to new babies, you can bet that when one thing happens, another thing is right around the corner.

On Friday I finally landed a job, after being unemployed since August of 2010. It's with a company that offers room for growth and strongly encourages its employees to contribute to charities. I'll be getting paid better than at any of my previous jobs, will work a stable 40-hour week and have the opportunity to have insurance (I've been without since November of 2008- yikes). I think what I'm looking forward to most about this job is the chance to get my allergies back under control and finally [hopefully] get my depression under control. 

Shortly before I got the job offer on Friday, I had an unexpected phone interview with a hotel in downtown Cleveland. They're hiring representatives for their reservation call center and I must have seemed like a somewhat adequate candidate. They said they'd call me this week if the hiring manager for the department was interested in bringing me in for an interview. I completely discounted this opportunity because the hours don't mesh well at all since Brian and I are trying to carpool.

Well, I got a call from said hiring manager this afternoon, who wanted to schedule an interview for Thursday. Being the person I am, I hate letting people down and I am not always quick on my feet. I set up the interview but also made sure to get the name and phone number of the HM, just in case. I don't know what I'm going to do yet- part of me wants to go and see if I can negotiate better hours and see what the pay is like. The other part of me is so grateful to finally be on the cusp of having a steady flow of income that I don't want to jinx it.

I just don't know what to do. I've never been in a position where I could decide between two different jobs- how am I supposed to handle this? I'm eternally grateful to God for lending me a helping hand- I guess I just need some more guidance from Him to help me find the right path again.

And now for an update from yesterday:
Brian talked to his mom, who will talk to his dad (yeesh- I hate playing telephone) and let him know that we're gonna head to Michigan alone. Knowing that Brian has my back is a huge relief. Now I can focus on planning what I absolutely need to bring down with us on this first trip.

Struggling

It's been quite a weekend. Brian and I have been working tirelessly to make plans for The Big Move. Unfortunately, this has been nothing short of a hassle. Concerns about money are making us both tense and tonight we had a minor explosion. I don't handle stress well.

We're most likely going to have to borrow money from either his parents or grandparents and both of us are freaking out about it. I'm currently in Ohio but am scheduled to drive to Michigan on Wednesday to pack my room up and then leave Thursday morning to bring down a load. Brian's dad offered to let us use his pick-up truck, but on one condition: he comes with us and drives. Here's a list of why I don't like this idea:

• Brian's family is from rural Ohio and this trip will require driving through Detroit at rush hour. Brian's dad doesn't handle grocery store crowds well.
• I haven't seen my family in a month and don't know when I'll see them after The Big Move. I want time to hang out with them and make sure my puppy knows I love him.
• If his dad drives us, we'll have to leave Wednesday afternoon, only giving me a few hours to pack. I *ahem* have a lot of stuff. And I don't really want him to watch me pack my room.
• My mama planned to make me and Brian a nice corned beef dinner, since I wasn't home on St. Paddy's Day. I WANT THAT CORNED BEEF, DAMMIT. Nothing will stop me.
• I just feel awkward around his dad.

Don't get me wrong- I thoroughly appreciate the gesture and it would be really nice to just make the one trip. I just need some time to go through my things and not be too rushed. This week is already going to be nuts, since I start working on the 28th*.


I guess this is a good learning experience for us both. We have slightly different ways of communicating and so it can be frustrating at times to strike a balance. It hasn't been an issue so much in the past, since most of our relationship was over the phone. It's easy to walk away and come back later when you're not looking right at the person. Our argument ended up being quite healthy; we were both able to get a lot off our chests. Hopefully we'll wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and ready for the next battle.

Until then, I'm saying goodnight. I really need some sleep.

What could go wrong?

Well, hello! It's probably time that I introduced myself. As you've most likely gathered from poking around, I'm Kaitlin. I'm a 20-something student who is trying to make a life for herself. I came to the conclusion in mid-February that I was frustrated with the plateau I've hit and need to find something new and exciting.

Please don't get the wrong impression; I am inherently resistant to change and avoid making decisions whenever possible. I'm just so fed up with things that I realized it's time. I'm unemployed, out of school and basically have nothing to lose.

What could go wrong?

Well, for your entertainment, I'm going to candidly write about this transition. From job-hunting to home-making, arguments to epiphanies.


Let's get this show on the road.

Testing

Attention, please! Ah, yes, a throwback to the one of a kind Eminem.

This is just a test. Please go back to what you were doing and ignore me.